Confessions of a crash-out

Objectives 🎯

• Understand what "crashing out" is and why it happens
• Learn about emotional dysregulation and the biology behind it
• Discover the RESET framework for handling moments of overwhelm

Confession time: I once completely lost it over a Napster t-shirt.

It's 2000, and I'm at the X Games with friends. Someone tosses a Napster shirt into the crowd. Pat catches it. And I flip out.

Ali: "Can I have it?"

Pat: "No, I caught it."

Ali: "But I'm the Napster guy! I spend hours downloading music and making CDs for everyone. That shirt is MINE!"

I was yelling. My friends were staring at me like "What is happening?" I was so embarrassed afterward.

Back then, we didn't have a word for this. We might have called it "flipping out" or "losing your cool." Now Gen Z has given us the perfect term: crashing out.

And I love this term because it captures an experience that's been happening forever but we've never had great language for. It's that moment when you blow up over something small. When your emotions go from zero to one hundred. When you do or say something you might regret.

It’s not about being dramatic. This is emotional dysregulation and there are real reasons it's happening.

Here's What We Know 🧠

Let me show you what's really going on when you crash out.

Most of the time, when something happens (you get a stressful text, you face a deadline, someone frustrates you) your emotions spike up. Then, with time and distance, they come back down naturally.

But here's the thing: everyone has a threshold.

If your emotions go above that threshold, two things happen:

1. You're now at risk of doing or saying something you might regret
2. It's going to take much longer for those emotions to come down

And if your emotions don't come all the way back down? You might stay in that vulnerable place where lots of little things can trigger you again.

This is what we call emotional dysregulation. When emotions rise quickly, stay high, and take forever to come back down.

Think About It Like This 💡

Here's an analogy from dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) that I think perfectly captures this:

Your skin has many layers. Its job is to protect your insides from the outsides.

Now imagine someone with third-degree burns who's lost those protective layers. If someone opens a window in their hospital room and a breeze flows in, their visitors might not even notice the draft. But for that burn victim, that wind is overwhelming and painful because their body's protections aren't there.

That's what crashing out feels like.

When you're in that vulnerable place, when your emotions are past your threshold, you're like that burn victim. The protective layers aren't working anymore. And no one else knows it. No one else is feeling it. But it is absolutely your truth.

The student in the library whose notes got accidently erased, everyone else sees her yell and thinks she's overreacting. But she's been stressed about exams for so long that her emotions are already maxed out. That one thing pushed her over.

Why Are Crashes Happening More Now?

I think there are three main factors that make crashes more likely:

1. Biology

Some of us are just wired with more sensitive nervous systems. Maybe your hearing is super sensitive (like mine, I have misophonia where certain sounds trigger instant rage). Maybe you're more sensitive to touch, taste, or smell. You didn't choose this. It just is.

2. Experiences

Traumatic or intense emotional experiences can rewire your biology, making you even more sensitive to certain triggers. Maybe someone blamed you for something you didn't do as a kid, and now any accusation immediately spikes your emotions.

3. Skills

Sometimes we just haven't learned how to handle this stuff yet. We don't have the tools.

But there's a fourth factor that I think is huge:

4. The World in 2025

Our phones keep us in a constant state of activation. Between news notifications, social media chaos, work messages, and the complete blur of serious content and performative content and ads, we're living at a higher baseline of emotion than we did even 10 years ago.

Add to that:

• Enshittification (that perfect word by Cory Doctorow): when products you used to love become progressively worse because companies prioritize profit over user experience. Flying, Instagram, Netflix, enshittification is everywhere.
• Less real-world connection: it's harder to get the support that actually regulates emotions.
• Constant comparison: social media makes everyone feel behind
• 24/7 access to stressors: you can't escape the bad news

So if your baseline emotions are already higher, it takes less to push you into crash-out territory.

The RESET Plan ✨

When you feel yourself getting close to crashing out, here's what to do:

R - Recognize and Name It

Just putting words to the experience ("I'm getting overwhelmed," "My misophonia is turning on," "I'm about to crash out") activates your frontal lobe and turns down the volume on the emotional intensity. It also alerts others that you need help.

E - Exhale (Long)

Slow breathing triggers your body's relaxation response. Try this:

• Breathe in for 4
• Hold for 4
• Exhale for 7
• Repeat

The long exhale is key. It's like hitting the brake on your nervous system.

S - Shock Your Senses

The fastest way to change your thoughts and feelings is through your senses. Try:

• Splashing cold water on your face
• Holding ice cubes
• Doing jumping jacks or going for a run
• Sticking your head in the freezer for a moment
• The dive reflex (submerge your face in cold water for 15-30 seconds while holding your breath). If you have a heart condition, talk to your doctor first, as this quickly reduces your heart rate. 

These intense sensory changes interrupt the crash-out pattern.

E - Engage Your Senses

Ground yourself in the present:

• Use the 5-4-3-2-1 technique (notice 5 things you see, 4 you can touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, 1 you taste)
• Visualize your happy place in detail
• Make mental lists of things you love

T - Take Opposite Action

This is probably the most important one.

Do the opposite of what your emotions are pushing you to do.

If anger makes you want to yell and confront? Get out of the situation.

If overwhelm makes you want to run away and that would be the crash out? Stay and ground yourself.

When my wife flosses her teeth and my misophonia kicks in, my emotions tell me to yell. The opposite action? Get out of there. Watch my go-to video (the 1988 Crystal Light Aerobic Championship, it's gloriously ridiculous). Get myself from rage mode to "I can handle this" mode. Then return without raging.

Here's a hot take: I don't know where we got the idea that to deal with anger, you have to stay in the situation and talk through it. Sometimes the best thing is to back away and get out. That's distress tolerance.

The #1 Thing for Long-Term Prevention

You want to know the number one thing to reduce your risk of crashing out in the future?

Sleep.

Getting good sleep is the best thing you can do for emotion regulation. When you sleep, your brain cleans itself up. It flushes out all the plaque and crud built up during the day, like flushing a toilet.

If you're sacrificing sleep because you're watching too much hustle culture content telling you to work harder, you're essentially using the toilet all day and never flushing it. Then wondering why everything smells like crap.

You might not be able to get more sleep. But you can always improve the quality:

• Better wind-down routine
• White noise for sound
• Blackout curtains or sleep mask for light
• Fan or temperature regulation
• Phone far away from bed
• If you can't fall asleep after 20 minutes, get up and do something boring

Why This Matters

If you're neurodivergent, if you struggle with mental health, you're dealing with more crashes. For some of us, life is just very hard right now. We're overwhelmed and under-supported. I think that's the core experience of being human in 2025.

So be kind, to yourself and one another.

A crash out isn't a personal failing. Given the right sequence of events, it's totally inevitable. Once you see the sequence, these are all different places where you can try something different next time.

And it's not about trying to do all of these things at once. Just find one thing where you can try something different. That's enough. That is progress.

Try It Out ✨

Pick ONE thing from the RESET plan to practice this week. Just one.

Maybe it's:

• Naming your emotions when you feel overwhelmed
• Doing slow exhales when stress hits
• Going for a walk when you feel a crash coming
• Improving one aspect of your sleep 

That's it. That's all I'm asking.

Because the goal here isn't perfection. It's just about trying that one thing.

Until next time, boldly go 🖖🏽

Dr. Ali

Summary 📝

• "Crashing out" is when emotions spike above your threshold, leading to regrettable reactions
• Emotional dysregulation happens due to biology, experiences, lack of skills, and systemic factors
• The RESET framework: Recognize, Exhale, Shock senses, Engage senses, Take opposite action
• Sleep is the #1 tool for long-term emotion regulation
• Chain analysis helps identify intervention points for future crashes
• Just try one thing differently. That's enough

Dive Deeper 🤿

Watch my 2 hour deep dive about crash outs (and how to manage them) here.